I just had a phone call with a potential date. Someone I have never met. We matched on an app, exchanged a few texts on the app, then he offered his number. Today, I texted him off the app and later he called.
This, talking on the phone before meeting, is an oddity these days. Hell, even texting directly is considered risky by many folk. Most people are terrified to share their phone number with someone they connected with on a dating app. Apps even have extra layers of video chatting, etc., to protect people from having to share their actual phone numbers “too early.”
This, I do not get.
Now, before you get all “but stalkers” at me, I have been stalked and sharing my phone number with a stranger is unlikely to turn into a stalker situation–at least not directly. First of all, most stalking happens to younger people (but it’s still possible for us old farts). The important statistic, though, is that stalkers are not usually strangers but rather someone you have met or been in a relationship with. Overwhelmingly so. Sadly, there isn’t anything you can do to prevent it–outside of never risking sharing any info (and even that won’t necessarily do it).
You can’t meet people without sharing info. It just doesn’t work that way. You can’t begin something based on trust without, well, trusting.
I’m also not freaked out because I’m old enough to have been in the phone book. Remember those? Everyone, practically, was essentially doxxed by the phone company and we all had the books in our homes so we could call people who didn’t even give us their numbers. And we’d get their addresses, too! My point is, sharing my phone number (and even my address–gasp!) doesn’t scare me the way it may someone younger.
Most of all, if someone wants to find that info, they can. It’s not really hard at all in most cases. I have to find people all the time in my work–we leave digital trails all over the place. If someone wants to find you, they (probably) will, no matter what you do to prevent it.
Is it a risk, maybe, but one which I think we should be more willing to take. Treating every other human out there like a threat just doesn’t work for me.
Anyway, so, I had this call. We talked. And it was… nice. Awkward? Sure. A bit. I mean, we didn’t know much about each other except that we both hate Trump, like motorcycles and Vespas, come from the Midwest, have dry senses of humor, and share an ethnic background. That’s not really very much info. But it was pleasant to chat and the call lasted longer than I thought (that is, time flew). There was laughter and we learned a little more about each other (like he still has his Chicago accent). Not sure if it will become anything, of course, but we both thought meeting for happy hour would be a good next step. My choice of location, because he wants me to feel comfortable and safe.
Risky? All of this dating stuff is on one level or another. But we don’t get anything in life without taking some risks. Starting with sharing our digits.