My wonderful friend Bee sent me a leash sheath that is red with white block type, reading “No Men” for my birthday. I snort-laughed when I opened the mailer today. Not having a dog, much less one that doesn’t like men, this is extra funny. I immediately had an idea of where I might be able to display the gift and, turns out, I was right. It fits perfectly on the passenger seat handle of my Triumph.
As I looked at the addition, and laughed, I noted the Feminist Power sticker on the side of the box. Then I looked at the top of the box where there is a square green sticker that reads “Don’t tell me to smile.”1 I realized that I have turned the moto into the Triumph of Feminism.
This cracked me up and made me kind of proud.
I’m pretty sure this will be off-putting to many men. I’m not too upset about that. I mean, if a man is threatened by my feminism, he is not right for me. Sadly, many age-appropriate men are threatened.
My ex, a “girl dad,” got more and more bothered by my feminism the more I wore it openly. I think he had issues with women generally (thanks to his mom, especially) and that, despite his sincerely wanting to be a supporter, it was more than he could do. And, of course, when a relationship is already struggling, things like smashing the patriarchy feel more important to the woman in the hetero couple, and more of a threat to the man. But generally, even when things are good, I’ve noticed that otherwise decent, liberal, educated, well-read men still get weird more often than not when presented with open feminism.
I suspect that is true particularly for many men of a certain age, that is older2. I get the impression many GenX men say (and absolutely believe!) “Oh yeah, you should be paid equally!” However, they also say/think things like “But would you shut up about the mental load inequality bullshit?” They tell their daughters they can be whatever they want to be, do whatever they want to do, accept their college girlfriends and their pronouns (then later their post-college boyfriends and their pronouns), but at the same time they privately wonder how their little girl will ever settle down and start a family. And they get frustrated that their female partners are exhausted and not interested in sex (see mental load).
Even at my sangha, which is super liberal, supportive of all people no matter what their particular flavors of whatever, they very well meaningly refer to the person who is hosting a meeting as “the host.” I’m your host, Bob. I’m your host, Leslie. They (and maybe you, dear reader) think “That’s not sexist! That’s the non-gendered term!”
As Maxwell Smart said: Missed it by that much.
Host is gendered: male. Host v. Hostess. When we choose to use the traditionally male form of a title for all, we are being sexist. Male privilege. Sneaky patriarchy.
By the way, something like “Greeter” would be non-sexist, instead.
I read a thread today that was on, I think, BlueSky (linked to from Mastodon)3 where some man wrote an article about how hot women were “Shreking”; that is, they were dating guys who weren’t as hot and successful as they should be dating.
Yeah, you can hear my eyes rolling, right?
Of course, all the women were replying that these women weren’t dating down, they were dating the men who treated them well, who were good, kind, interested and interesting… 10s to the women. The only people who saw these men as less than were the looksmaxxing douche-bros who treat women like objects. I mean, they are deciding who the women should date, not respecting that the women get to choose for themselves. Guys who either are incels or would be, if they weren’t lucky enough to find some women who haven’t learned their own value yet. Several of the more “enlightened” male responders said “I see it all the time–in couples the woman is always hotter!”
Cue more eye rolling.
To be sure, I don’t hate men. I’m definitely heterosexual4, too. I do, though, hate being talked over, looked over, held to a different standard, and being told what I think (and that what I actually think isn’t what I think, because I couldn’t possibly know my own mind…). I hate being told I’m a threat if I stand up for equal treatment.
But men, generally? Nope, don’t hate ’em.
I’m just tired of the bullshit.
And yet, I remain hopeful that, some day, I might meet someone who gets it. I’m pining for a good kiss… at least. So, I thought for a second about going back onto the dating apps but putting only this as my bio:
If you understand that wanting a man who wants to help me smash the patriarchy does not mean I’m a dominatrix, say hello.
Yeah, no… maybe before AI fucked the apps even more than they already were. Now, nope.
I’m fine on my own. I have the Triumph of Feminism.
Now if it would just cool down so I could take a nice ride!
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- The black star is for the Alpinestar brand, whose boots and gloves I wear. ↩︎
- Unfortunately, however, the younger generations may be getting actively worse here, not better, thanks to the Manosphere, etc. ↩︎
- I wish I had bookmarked it, sorry. ↩︎
- As I’ve said, sometimes I wish I wasn’t so straight, but I am what I am. ↩︎