Not long after the Ex and I moved into the house, almost 6 years ago, we bought a ridiculously expensive mattress. It wasn’t exactly the one I wanted, but compromise is required in life and he liked a softer mattress than I do. I think he wanted an even softer one and likely compromised as well. I don’t know for sure. Whatever, my body was never really thrilled with it. Lately, it seemed to be getting worse and worse.
Now, I’m 60 pushing 61, so some of this may just be my old body. I mean, as you get older, things generally hurt more. But I’m very active and flexible and the discomfort seems excessive, even with the age. And I can take discomfort; the lack of sleep, though, not so much.
I knew years ago that my body didn’t like the mattress, but mostly I thought that was about my body, not the mattress. For example, I could not sleep on it leading up to and just after I had my gnarly butt surgery12. I had to sleep on the sofa–the bed hurt way too much. But after I healed up I was able to move back onto the bed.
The mattress seemed to have it out for me; there was something about trying to get the fitted sheet on it that was always extra. The mattress was heavy and deep–trying to pick up the corner was way more difficult than it should have been. I could never change the sheets, even with the Ex helping, without frustration and usually swearing. Sometimes broken nails, even. It was like the damn thing hated me.
When the Ex’ trauma made his sleep/bedroom needs more complicated3, I moved into the other bedroom in an attempt to help things–first on a sofa in there and then we bought a daybed to replace the sofa. I slept much better on those than I had on our bed. I thought much of that was the emotional stuff4 but, in hindsight, maybe not as much as I thought.
When he moved out and left the bed and its mattress, ironically complaining about the mattress near the end, too, I moved back into the bedroom. I cleaned everything and saged the room, the latter just to be on the safe side. I bought new sheets. I moved things on the shelves and made it more like me. And I tried to sleep on the now-my-side of the bed.
It was definitely wonky. What had been his side5 had become more compressed and definitely sloped6. I tried spinning the mattress 180º which was better, but still not great. Then I did a temporary fix with a plywood board from the garage/studio that fit perfectly. That did help for a while, but it wasn’t long before I recognized that I was doing that thing where I have to essentially lift my body up entirely with my arms, as if I am trying to levitate, just in order to roll over. No bueno.
So, eight months later, I finally bit the bullet last weekend and purchased a new mattress. A cheap(ish) Ikea one…and firm. In fact, I read several posts from people who said it was too hard, which encouraged the purchase. As I can sleep on a hardwood floor (and like it), it seemed like a good option. To be safe, I went to the store and tried it out, and others…it felt great. I placed the order and awaited the delivery.
It arrived yesterday, late afternoon, “vacuum” packed into a plastic wrap tube. The delivery guy kindly brought it into the living room for me and it stayed there overnight. It was too late to do the hard work of moving the old mattress off the platform bed and into the other bedroom7; plus the new mattress needed time to expand once on the bed. So there it sat.
Ikea brilliantly put two thick velcro straps on the tube, with handles, so I could pick up the 58+ pound thing pretty easily and move it from there into the dining room temporarily (it was blocking my morning yoga spot where it was). And later move it onto the bed.
After my morning exercise and first espresso today, it was time to do the swap. First, I had to move the old mattress. The bedroom is small so there isn’t a ton of room to maneuver but I got the thing up and on its side, at the foot of the bed. Then I had to push/drag it down the very short hall and into the other bedroom. A bit of a trick without knocking all the art off the walls.
It weighs a lot more than the new one (it’s over 80 pounds) but, as long as I was on the hardwood floors, I could slide it easily. Whenever I hit a rug, though, some lifting was required. Still, I managed to get it all the way and lean it against the daybed in the other room, without a serious problem. I’m very glad I’ve been doing strength work in my workouts. I suspect I’ll feel it tomorrow, still.
After, I went back into the bedroom and looked at the bed, sans mattress. It is a platform with slats only in the center (you can kind of see that from the discoloration on the underside of the old mattress in the photo above) and drawers covered by solid wood on both sides. In the open space under the slats was a ton of dog fur. And between the head of the bed and the wall? Even more. I was shocked because I had cleaned after Ex left and found a ton of hair then! These spaces, though, they were unreachable with a mattress on the bed. So, I got the vacuum out, and a microfiber cloth, and a long-handled duster, and started cleaning.
Then, I carried in the new mattress, put it on the now very clean bed, and gingerly sliced open the plastic to release the roll. It flopped open and looked tiny. Thin, I mean. Of course, this was partially because it was so flat from its packing, but even when expanded it will be much thinner than the old one. At first, though, it looked really sad.
Anyway, since I had to lower them to match the new bed height, I gave the wall-mounted “tables” on either side of the bed and the basket/drawers under them a good cleaning, too. They weren’t so bad (they do get cleaned regularly). I lowered them, a lot, put the lamps and everything back on them, and then I left the bed unmade to off-gas and get flatter… and fatter.
This afternoon, it looked much better–still thinner than the old one of course, but not teeny like it had been. So, I made the bed. It was… easy! I whipped on that fitted sheet like it was nothing. Wow. And, when the bed was made I stepped back and looked. With everything lower, the room looks much larger. Much. It feels airier. Lighter. Less burdened somehow. I’d post a photo but it just doesn’t show in 2D.
I’m hopeful. I’ve lain on the bed a couple of times and it feels better. I’m looking forward to sleeping on it tonight. Honestly, that’s a big change: I’ve been kind of dreading going to bed the past couple of weeks. We’ll see what Ruthie thinks, too, especially as the lower height should make her 4:30a pawing at the window blind more difficult. Hopefully.
I had considered swapping bedrooms entirely with this change, a clean break if you will, but I don’t think I will. The rooms are the same size but the orientation is 90º different and, with an additional door, fitting things in the other bedroom would probably look and feel more closed in. Perhaps the change of the mattress will do the trick of not only of reducing my physical discomfort, please oh please, but of making the room more me.
________________________________
- I had a nasty fistula with complications and had to have pretty extensive butt surgery. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone but a nazi. Luckily, my doc was great and I’m fine now. ↩︎
- That is, I couldn’t sleep on it before the surgery or after the operative pain meds (i.e., fentanyl) wore off. When I got home post-op, I crashed hard on the bed and could not feel anything for a while. I was not so much sleeping as unconscious. I have no idea why anyone would ever want to use fentanyl recreationally; it was scary. Anyway, once I woke up and the effects faded, I had to decamp to the sofa. ↩︎
- Our needs didn’t match up well then, e.g., I go to bed early and need quiet and darkness, he needed to stay up late, have the curtains open, and use his devices. ↩︎
- Without going into detail, watching someone you love suffer the effects of profound trauma is horrible; trying to sleep next to someone with those issues is difficult. ↩︎
- He slept on the same side of the bed as I did, pre-relationship, so I let him keep it when we got together–once he was gone, I moved back over. ↩︎
- I think the Ex spent a lot of time sitting on the side of the bed, legs over the side I mean, which wore it down. I would see him in that position often, as I passed the room. ↩︎
- Just in case the new mattress sucks and needs to be returned, I’m keeping the old one for a bit. ↩︎